Teh C omunneetaryan FROSTY DIES IN TEXTING TRAGEDY. Republicans seek and destroy

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1 Teh C omunneetaryan Volume 16, No. 4 December 8, 2010 FROSTY DIES IN TEXTING TRAGEDY By Cass Hamby Staff Writer Frosty the Snowman was killed and two lamp posts were severely damaged Monday morning when a DCCC student swerved and lost control of her parent s luxury caddy while driving just south of the college on Media Line Road. The driver was identified as Ann I. Textalot, 21, a graphics art major from Philadelphia, Pa. I saw the whole thing, said George Bailey, manager of the Wonderful Life Media Trust & Loan Bank. I walk past Frosty on Media Line Road with my wife, Mary, every morning on my way to work. The young woman was texting and visions of cyber sugarplums must have been dancing in her head because she did not see Frosty gliding toward us and tip his top hat to say good morning. When two police officers arrived at the scene, shortly after 6 a.m., they found Frosty s lifeless coal eyes peering up at them from the tire packed snow that once formed his jolly face. Smoke was still rising from the corncob pipe that was nestled in the gravel beside his button nose. The old silk top hat still seemed to have some magic as the wind gently lifted it along the guardrail, police said. His broomstick hand that had raised a welcoming hello was now stuck in the windshield wiper of Textalot s car. Frosty s red and black plaid scarf was air lifted and wrapped around the electrical wires above the accident scene. After a thorough search of the area, police could only find chunks of his belly and bottom body snowballs. Nearby, Textalot sat frozen in her car, still holding her i-phone in the air like it was super glued to her hand and muttering the words, I thought it was a ghost, a ghost, according to police. The paramedics reported the student, who was taken to Bryn Mawr Hospital, seemed to be in a state of shock but otherwise in fair condition, said Police Chief Chip Miller. Naturally, she is quite upset because, like children of all ages, she said she loved Frosty and is devastated that she may have killed him. The Nutcracker, a neighbor, told reporters that he and other fictional characters are fed up with today s young people. Please understand me when I say it isn t just cars driven by teenagers going 95 while texting their friends that drives me nuts, said the Nutcracker. It is the loss of the family gathering around the TV to watch Rudolph s red nose, Scrooge being motivated to help Tiny Tim and the Grinch giving back Christmas without a laptop, blackberry, i-phone, Mac and other technical devices being invited to family night and interfering with the imagination process we have created. College officials also lamented Frosty s demise. Naturally, we re concerned any time our students put themselves in harm s way, said DCCC President Bob Cratchit. We hope Ms. Textalot has learned her lesson about texting and driving. He took several moments to compose himself and then added, But we re also talking about Frosty here. Christmas will never be the same for me. Once police left the accident scene, eyewitnesses reported that several neighborhood kids tried to rebuild Frosty but were unsuccessful. Several parents reported that grief counselors had to be called in to help the children cope with their loss. Meanwhile, damages to the lamp posts, owned by Eby Scrooge of Media, Pa., were estimated to be $ Bah-humbug, I m glad that Frosty is dead! said Scrooge. And that silly lass will pay me every last cent she owes me for my lamps, too. Texting while driving in Pennsylvania is punishable by $5, fine. State and local police have begun clocking individuals texting, using TEXT-DAR, since October The device clocks drivers who are texting more than five words per minute. Paramedic John Smith was one of the first on the scene and is also a member of Drive To Stay Alive of Chester County (DTSACC), a group formed to build awareness on the dangers of texting and driving. Smith stressed that texting while driving is not only illegal but also places our childhood characters, dreams and the their future in danger. I have had to answer many calls where we are losing beloved friends like Frosty and one of these days he will not have the magic to come back next year, said Smith. We almost lost the Grinch s dog Max last year and I think a good message is that every front yard in Chester County should have a sign that says, Keep Our Children s Dreams Alive. Don t Text and Drive. Meanwhile, Textalot is scheduled to appear in traffic court Dec. 24 at midnight. Scrooge, Grinch, Max, George and Mary Bailey are planning to attend the hearing as character witnesses and to raise awareness of the problem out of respect for their good friend Frosty. They are also expected to exchange Christmas gifts while they are there. Members of the DTSACC have announced that they will be outside the courthouse forming a protest and serving cocoa. Santa had reported he would make an appearance at the hearing, but a police log the night after Textalot s accident stated that Santa was out on a test run in his sleigh. He landed on Media Line Road to pick up a scarf and an old silk top hat to return to a friend when he was side swiped by a minivan driven by a young man texting the CBS hotline, telling them he had just seen Santa Claus. Santa s sleigh had to be towed back to the North Pole for repairs, so he will not be able to make the hearing. But he did make a statement to the local police. Ho, ho, ho, text and drive, and your present won t arrive, he said. Contact Cass Hamby at communitarian@mail.dccc.edu Inside... A costumed feast for Thanksgiving Republicans seek and destroy Pg. 3 Pg. 4 Subprimen tilaisuudet uracollegeissa Black Friday fighters polled to assess carnage Pg.4 Pg.5 Tackling banned in the NFL Pg.7 (Photo courtesy of pictures-of-snowman.blogspot.com) Illegal texting while operating a vehicle caused the death of this beloved holiday icon. Teh Comunneetaryan apologizes for the graphic nature of this content.

2 Page 2 December 8, 2010 CAMPUS The Holidays, a happy time?... Do you work in retail? Do you constantly hear Christmas music? Do you want to destroy all thngs jolly because of this? We have the answer!!! Call brainwashbysanta

3 December 8, 2010 Page 3 CAMPUS DCCC dines, gives thanks By Saundra Maddox Staff Writer DCCC cafeteria staff held a holiday feast for students, faculty, administrators, and support staff Nov. 22 in the cafeteria on Marple Campus. Clearly, the Thanksgiving feast was no ordinary feast. First of all, cafeteria staff had requested proper attire. All staff, students, and their guests had to dress as a pilgrim, a Native American or a turkey. All I had to do was dig out my old Halloween costume that was buried in my closet somewhere from last year, said Alexa Krumps, 24, a sociology major. Shortly after arriving for the feast, attendees were astounded by a transformed cafeteria. Faculty described the cafeteria as beautiful with a homey feeling. There were candles on the tables, place settings for each attendee, fancy china and silverware on the tables, said Dr. Anthony Procts of the English department. There were even cute turkey decorations hanging on the walls which reminded me of when I was a child. The cafeteria staff said they just wanted to do something different for the attendees. Of course we had the usual turkey, cranberry sauce, apple pies, and things, said Maer Dunkin, one of the cooks. But we also made an effort to expose everyone to some other delicacies shared around the world. Yes, there were some of the usual components of a Thanksgiving feast, Gina Terkinieshka, 18, a chemistry major, said. But there were other disturbing and out of the ordinary attractions added to the meal. Terkinieshka said she was upset and completely grossed out by some of the unusual items she found at the table, including barbequed alligators, cactus pies, and rattle snake sauce in the gravy boat. While the nine-foot alligators lay with apples in their mouths next to the turkeys, baked bamboo sticks, pigs feet topped with gravy, frog legs, and some lizard eyes were among the unique cuisine offered. Most attendees ate only the normal foods they saw, while a few went against the grain and tried the delicacies offered. I rather enjoyed the alligator and frog legs, said Michaelangelo DeAdamartest, 32, a Psychology major. The bamboo was a little tough, and the rattle snake sauce was strong, but that did not stop me. Contact Saundra Maddox at communitarian@mail.dccc.edu. (Photo courtesy of Gobble, gobble!!! said one attendee who was lucky enough to break bread with Goody Proctor at the cafeteria s Thanksgiving Feast.

4 Page 4 December 8, 2010 EDITORIAL Republicans seek-and-destroy mission By Adam LaMarra Staff Writer After taking the majority of the House of Representatives in the November elections, Republicans say they are eagerly anticipating getting back to work damaging the country. It s a hard job to run a country into the ground, a top Republican advisor said, but now that we control the House, that s the job we look to accomplish. Republicans hope to undo the last two years of work done by a Democratic congress rebuilding the United States. According to Republican leaders, Republicans are hopeful they can pick up where a Republican House left off in 2006 and where President George W. Bush off left in Republicans say they look to stall any legislation from getting passed for the next two years, by attempting to repeal The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act passed under the Democratic congress that guarantees sick children health insurance. The doggone bill does silly socialisticky tacky things such as keeps childs on their parents health care plan until they re 26 years old, keeps insurance companies from excluding kids with pre-existing conditions, and, most worst of all, prevents insurance companies from dropping coverage, said Ohio Rep. John Boehner, the House Republican leader. Other bills passed under the Democratic congress that Republicans say are too far left include the Financial Reform Law, which establishes a Consumer Financial Protection Bureau to look out for the interests of everyday Americans; the Christopher and Dana Reeve Paralysis Act, the first piece of comprehensive legislation aimed at improving the lives of Americans living with paralysis; the Credit Card Bill of Rights that prevents credit card companies from imposing arbitrary rate increases on customers; and a stimulus package that saved the United States from a depression. We look to pass simple bills when we re in the House, Boehner said. Bills that aren t socialist like the Patriot Act. One bill that Republicans are eager to pass is the Fox News Network Fair and Balanced Media Act. The bill would regulate media outlets from being biased towards a particular side of the political spectrum. The bill will finally clean up this field of biased journalism, Fox News commentator Sean Hannity said. Untrusted media outlets spread malicious and hateful lies about political personalities like butter across a Kaiser roll. When asked to cite a specific instance of this happening, Hannity said he could not think of any off of the top of his head, but he would Google it later. Another bill Republicans are eager to pass is the Evolution: Isn t that what Hitler believed in? Preventative Intelligence Act. The bill would prevent public schools from teaching the theory of evolution. If it s just a theory, why are we teaching it to our children? Calif. Republican Rep. Gary Miller said. No other theories are taught in schools, why should evolution be any different? I mean, we have a book [The Bible] here that describes, in great detail, how the world was created and it says nothing about evolution. Show me a book that s about evolution and maybe I will change my mind. Kay Granger, R-Texas., says that these two bills are a series of bills trying to restore America s intelligence. I want Americans to be as smart as they were back in 1776, when our nation rose that great 50 starred flag in response to the English burning down our White House, she said. There aren t any sources of knowledge nowadays. Back then they had books to read and are more smarter for it. The 112th Congress takes office on Jan. 3. It s going to be a damage overall, N.J. Republican Rep. Scott Garret said. If people thought two major wars and a complete financial collapse were bad wait until they see how we can screw up this decade! Contact Adam LaMarra at communitarian@ mail.dccc.edu The Communitarian is produced by both current and former students of Fundamentals of Journalism II in collaboration with Campus Life and published at Delaware County Community College. Students who would like to write for the campus newspaper and have already completed Fundamentals of Journalism I should register for Fundamentals of Journalism II (ENG 131). Students who have completed both classes are welcome back to join the senior staff. For more information, see Bonnie McMeans in Room 4311, call , or send an to bmcmeans@dccc.edu or communitarian@mail.dccc.edu. Executive Editor Katy O Dwyer Managing Editor Lucas Rodgers Layout Editor Katy O Dwyer Subprimen tilaisuudet uracollegeissa Lynne K. Varnerille Seattle Ajoille (MCT) Varaa avaruus toriahneuden annaaleissa voittocollegejen puolesta johtaminen tienata rutkasti ennätysvoittoja joka kuormittaa painava velka. katkaistessa menestyksettömiä opiskelijoita. Koulutuksen Luottamus, puolueeton D.C. ajattelee tankkia, käytettyä julkista tietoa mukaan lukien valmistumismäärät ja opiskelijalaina trendit väitellä vakuuttaasti että voiton korkeamman koulutuksen sektori on ottanut sivun asuntolainateollisuudesta. Ne hyötyvät bisnesmallista perusti opiskelijaepäonnistumista, ennemmin kuin opiskelijamenestys. Liittovaltionsti rahoitettu Kyllästytti Granteja ja opiskelijalainat ehkäisevät terveitä liikevaihtovirtoja, 24 miljardin $ suihkuttaminen sienestävässä ura-collegeteollisuudessa. Veronmaksajien paluu sijoituksella on kuusi-vuosivalmistuminen määrä poikamiehen asteille 22 prosentista. Vertailulle kuusi-vuosivalmistuminen määrä julkisissa collegeissa on 55 prosenttia ja 65 prosentti sotamiehelle, hyväntekeväisyyscollegeille. Ja se 10 joilla johtavat valmistua voittokouluista on lähes kahdesti opiskelijoiden velkakuorma sotamiehessa, hyväntekeväisyyscolleget ja opiskelijoiden kantama lähes neli velka julkisissa kouluissa. Ei yllätys, nämä velka-lastatut valmistuneet laiminlyövät heidän lainoillaan kahdesti opiskelijat määrä perinteisissä kouluissa. Julistelapsi tälle omapäiselle koulutusbisnes mallille on Feeniksin Yliopisto _ kansan suurin voittoyliopisto, jossa on yli opiskelijaa kampukset maanlaajuinen. Feeniksin U otti sisään yli 1 miljardi $ liittovaltion Kyllästytti Grant-avustusta viime vuonna ja tänä vuonna voisi ylittää liittovaltion lakin, joka estää kouluja saamisesta yli 90 prosenttia heidän liikevaihdoistaan liittovaltion taloudellisestä avustuksesta. Oi ja koulun kuusi-vuosivalmistumismäärä? Yhdeksän prosenttia. Verodollarimme tuskin työssä. Tämä on, mikä sattuu kun tarkistamaton liittovaltion koulutus joukkueiden kuluttaminen ylös löysällä säätelevällä epähuomiolla. Voittokoulut kätkevät avoimen myöntämismenettelytavan heidän heikon näyttäminensä takana. Todellakin nämä koulut ovat auttaneet levittää kasvatuksellistä pääsyä. Vähemmistöopiskelijat ja nuo suurempi osa matala-tulotaustoista käynnistyy ulkona voittokouluissa. Mukava yritys, mutta akateeminen epäonnistuminen ei ole toimintoa demograafinen. Opiskelijat pitävät sopimuksen loppuansa ylös. Ne ponnistelevat collegekoulutukselle usein kovien seikkojen alla heikosti resourced kaupunki ja maaseudun KIT-12 koulujärjestelmät. Olemme pyytäneet nuorempia ihmisiä pyrkimään collegeen ja niiden on. Liittohallitustilastotiede raportti 86 prosenttia afrikkalainenamerikkalainen-lukio vanhempi ja 80 prosenttia Latino näkee collegen heidän tulevaisuudessaan. Koulutuksen bisneksestä hyötyminen ei ole ongelmaa; paluun puute julkisella sijoituksella on. Ja osuudessa on amerikkalainen kilpailukyky ja tasaarvoisen kasvatuksellisen pääsyn tavoite. Menestyksen taskut on olemassa. Tekninen ja taidecolleget tuottavat vahvoja valmistuneita vaikuttavassa määrässä. Mutta teollisuus kaiken täytyy kaikkiaan parantuu erityisesti kun se imeytyy opiskelijoiden lisäävä osuus. Menneessä vuosikymmenessä ilmoittautuminen ampui ylös 236 prosentille, verrattuna 20 prosenttiin julkisissa ja yksityisissä hyväntekeväisyys collegeissamme. Uudet säännöt taloudellisellä avustuksella Obama-hallinnosta ja jatkuvista kuunteluista Kongressissa antavat halukkuudelle merkin selvittää nämä asiat. Työt ovat kuteneet painava käytäväpolitiikka ja vieläpä televisio ilmoituksia exhorting hallitus pitää lapasensa vapaa markkinoilta ja yksittäiseltä valinnalta. Kuinka hyvin käsi teki säätelevältä lähestymistapatyöltä, jossa on lainaaminen instituutit? Juuri kysyminen. Enemmän samankaltaisuudet on olemassa kuin petoantolainaus asuntolainateollisuudessa eivät välillä ja korkeammassa koulutuksessa. Kongressin määrätmä tutkimus löysi, ettei opiskelijat voittocollegeissa jotka estivät ottaa esiin suuria lainoja rohkaistiin velka kumottaisiin korkeamaksavalle töille, jotka toteudu koskaan. Köyhyydestä ei nostettiin näitä opiskelijoita; niitä hukuttiin syvempi innostunut siitä. Ajasta nopealle toiminnalle, joka tekee hyvä Amerikan lupauksella joka koulutus on reitti ylös. Senior Reporter Maxwell McAdams Reporters Cass Hamby Adam LaMarra Saundra Maddox Willie McGonigle The Communitarian Opinion Policy Teh opinyons expwessed on teh editowial an teh op-ed pwages do not nesessawily refrect dose of Teh Comunneetaryan staff or da cowege. We welcome ur comments on any matter rerating to Delaware Cownty Comuunitee Cowege, and wesponseble webwuttal is encouwaged. Write to communitarian@mail.dccc.edu. Please wite letter to editor in teh wubject box. Thank yoos!!

5 December 8, 2010 Page 5 LOCAL How many people did you knock out on Black Friday? 2, I was trying to get at those $20 blu ray players at Target and these two girls blocked me- it was a standoff, and I won. Deedee Leelou, 19 Science of Kickin -Butt 1, Somebody wanted MY first season Doctor Who dvd box set!! Rory Pond, 21, Graphic Design 3, Showdown at Gamestop for the new Call of Duty game. Jerry Blavit, 22, Aim and Strategy 2, I was at QVC and had to fight off these two ladies for the privilege of owning the new Glamour-Snuggies... Lissie Cummerbun, 20 Psychology 5, I was at the outlets in Delaware... It was like the zombie apocalypse. Kiki Doom, 35 Culture Vulture

6 Page 6 December 8, 2010 The Funny Pages

7 December 8, 2010 Page 7 SPORTS N F L b a n s t a c k l i n g? By Willie McGonigle Staff Writer The National Football League (NFL) announced yesterday at noon its latest rule change to protect the safety of its players. The new rule states that tackling altogether has been eliminated and that the games will now be played with two-hand touch only. This ruling follows a recent league decision to ban helmet-tohelmet hits. NFL officials said they put the rule in place because, during past weekend games, a record 80 players were forced to miss action because of bone-rattling hits, resulting in injuries such as broken finger nails, bruised toes and torn skin from knuckles. I couldn t get out of bed until Tuesday because my fingers and toes hurt from all the hits I took this past weekend, Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre said. I feel like I can play till I die with this new rule. The NFL owners voted 32-0 in favor of the new rule that will take effect in this week s games. It s something that needed to be done, not only to protect our players from being injured but also to prevent us, the owners, from having to pay a injured athlete money, said Al Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders. It s a win-win situation for all involved; the players can play without fear of getting injured and we can have more money in our pockets. The ruling is also drawing praise from some of the game s biggest stars such as Terrel Owens, Ocho Cinco, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady. Finally, I can play the game with a clear conscience and know that I don t need to worry about messing up my face, Brady said from the Patriots locker room after the announcement. Brady, who is one of the game s biggest stars, said his family is also happy with the new ruling. My family can now come to a game and not have to worry about daddy getting hurt and my no (Photo courtesy of theonion.com) Simple tackles like these are now prohibited under NFL rules. longer being able to afford my 6-year-old son s Mustang. Despite voting in favor of the new rule, Dallas Cowboy owner Jerry Jones said, It s a sad day for America and football, for no longer will tackling be allowed. Jones added that he voted in favor of the rule change only because everyone else did. Not all players are in love with the ban on tackling. Baltimore Ravens Linebacker Ray Lewis is one of the players opposed to the new rule. It s not fair to the defensive players because tackling is a huge part of their game, Lewis said moments after the announcement. I m a father. I have kids that I need to support. How can I support them when 99 percent of my game is delivering monstrous hits that put those pretty boy offensive players in the hospital? Fans have mixed reactions to the new no-tackle rule. Blue Redman, a fan of the New York Giants, told a New York newspaper, I will never watch a NFL game again. I ll watch grass grow before I watch them again. With this new rule they took all the fun out of the game, said New York Jet super fan Joe Greenjet, who bench presses jets all day at work. N.F.L stands for the No Fun League now. Fans in Buffalo and Philadelphia, along with other hardnosed cities, say they are also against the rule change, unlike fans in Boston and Kansas City who report they are thrilled with the new rule. Finally we have a more fast paced up and down type of game that s been lacking in the NFL for quite some time, marathon runner and Chief fan Johnny Lighting said. Lighting said that when he heard the news, he immediately went to buy season tickets for the Chiefs. One Boston native, Jesus Lathem, a die-hard Patriots fan, was seen giving thanks to god at his local church because he can finally allow his kids to watch the NFL without their wanting to imitate the hard hits that they have seen on television. It s about time the league has done something to protect the players from injuries, Washington Redskin quarterback Donovan McNabb said. Broken finger nails hurt, man. Contact Willie at Communitarian@mail.dccc.edu

8 Page 8 December 8, 2010 Olivia Class of 2010 Rowley, Mass. Psychology and Spanish discover yourself what will you do? Olivia transferred to Roger Williams University in her sophomore year after attending Accepted Students Day with her little sister. She wasted no time getting involved as a captain of the equestrian team, a Peer Advisor Leader intern at the University Advising Center, a Spanish tutor, a member of Sigma Delta Pi Spanish Honor Society and Alpha Chi (Honor Society for the academic top 5% of students). Olivia truly made the best of every opportunity presented to her. What will you do? admit@rwu.edu